When it comes to sex, plenty of us freeze up at the idea of “talking dirty.” It can feel intimidating, even if you’re totally comfortable with your partner otherwise. The thought of trying to be seductive with words might bring up fears of sounding silly, being judged, or not knowing what to say. But here’s the thing—dirty talk doesn’t have to be a porn-level performance. At its core, it’s just about sharing what you’re feeling, doing, or wanting in the moment. And yes, you can absolutely learn and practice, even if you’re naturally shy.
Start Small: Describe What’s Happening
One of the easiest ways to dip your toes in is simply describing what’s going on. You don’t need to whip out elaborate fantasies or new vocabulary. Instead, try sentences like:
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“I love the way your hands feel on me.”
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“I’m so turned on right now.”
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“That kiss feels amazing.”
Think of it like narrating the moment—you’re giving your partner a window into your experience. Simple phrases not only break the ice, but also build your confidence.
Share What You’d Like
Once you’re comfortable describing, you can move toward expressing your desires. This can be as straightforward as:
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“I want you to kiss me harder.”
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“I need you inside me.”
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“Touch me here.”
Again, you’re not acting out a script—you’re voicing your needs and wants, which can be deeply sexy for both you and your partner.
Practice On Your Own
If your throat closes up in the moment, practice when you’re alone. Try speaking out loud when you’re masturbating, or just looking in the mirror. It might feel awkward at first, but it helps you get used to hearing your own voice saying sexual things. Over time, it starts to feel more natural, and that makes it easier to bring into partnered play.
Remember, Dirty Talk is for You Too
Dirty talk isn’t just about “performing” for someone else—it’s also a tool to help you feel more embodied, confident, and connected to your own desires. The more you practice, the easier it becomes. And remember: you don’t need to sound like anyone but yourself.
Whether you’re whispering soft affirmations or building up to wilder fantasies, dirty talk is a skill you can grow. Start with honesty, keep it simple, and let your confidence build with practice.