Consensual Non-Consent (CNC) has exploded in visibility online over the past few years. From TikTok confessionals to spicy fanfiction tags, it’s a kink that seems to be everywhere — and it sparks plenty of debate. Some see it as dangerous, others as empowering. But perhaps its popularity says more about our social conditioning than anything else.
At its core, CNC involves partners engaging in a pre-negotiated scene that mimics non-consensual dynamics, while in reality everything is agreed upon, with boundaries, safewords, and aftercare. It’s a fantasy played out with full consent. So why are so many people — especially women in heterosexual pairings — drawn to it?
Part of the answer might lie in the stubborn persistence of heteronormative sexual scripts. From a young age, many women are taught they should be chased rather than openly express sexual desire. Men, in turn, are told they should pursue. This “cat and mouse” dynamic means that women can feel shame or judgment for initiating sex, while men are rewarded for persistence.
CNC offers a way to work within — and subvert — that script. It allows women to explore sexual desire without having to play the “I want this” card directly. In the fantasy, they’re “taken,” which sidesteps the pressure to perform enthusiasm in a socially acceptable way. Paradoxically, this can make it easier to enjoy sex because they’re no longer fighting the internalised voice that says wanting it makes them “easy.”
For some, CNC also removes the expectation to orgasm — an expectation that can turn into performance anxiety. In a scene framed entirely around the “pleasure of the pursuer,” women can simply experience without worrying about whether their body “responds correctly.” That relief from pressure can make encounters more enjoyable, even if the fantasy looks rough on the outside.
None of this is to say CNC is only about societal repression — for many, it’s just an exciting roleplay that taps into the primal thrill of power exchange. But its widespread appeal might be a mirror reflecting how deeply these old scripts still run in our collective psyche.
The key difference between fantasy and reality is consent. In the real world, CNC is built on trust, negotiation, and respect — precisely the opposite of what it pretends to be. And perhaps that’s the ultimate irony: a kink that’s all about “not having a choice” might actually be one of the most negotiated, consent-driven practices out there.